Pantene: Disappearing Curls

1050x400 Pantene Curls



I have always considered that it would be better to be bald than have curly hair – which is a good job as most of my hair migrated in a southerly direction many years ago and now makes only brief appearances on my ears, the bridge of my nose and various other parts of my anatomy.  Not so for Michael Scott Thomson.  He is immensely proud of his curly locks and was seriously miffed when his favorite shampoo for curly tops disappeared from the supermarket shelves – so he decided to appeal to the manufacturer:

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

 

Dear Pantene,

I am writing because, comparatively recently, you manufactured, bottled and distributed what I can only describe as a veritable topically-applied ambrosia.  Or, if you like, an elixir of life which nourished, protected, moisturised, tamed and, without wishing to appear in the slightest way narcissistic you understand, elevated the status of my appearance to the slightly-more-lofty levels of ‘not-bad’ as opposed to its usual ‘fair-to-middling’.

O Pantene, O brewer of enchanted follicular potion, it is the case that I have curly hair.  Yet you have stopped making “Perfect Curls”.  That is, the shampoo, conditioner AND the 2-in-1 combined variety.

Why is this, pray tell?

I have one bottle of my last year’s supply of shampoo left; there are about two inches of the stuff remaining.  Even a promotional stripe under the lid proclaims ’25% Bigger Size’.  It’s just as well, is it not, that you were generous enough to give away a quarter extra back then, otherwise it would have ran out long ago.  Maybe you considered you owed us curly-tops in lieu for the truly tragic moment in the then-future that you decided to unceremoniously whip it away from under our noses.

I’ve been using it at a premium – the tiniest dollop for the most special of special occasions.  It’s been far too valuable for humdrum day-to-day application.

Let’s take a look at the back of the bottle.  I always admired your instructions, always so much more than mere “rinse, lather, repeat”, inscribed in plain English:

Do you have: Natural or permed curly hair?

My answer: Yes.  Natural though.  Never permed.  Funny, isn’t it, how people with naturally curly hair often want to straighten it out, and those with straight hair often want perms?  Such folks, women usually, are often those who toy dangerously with those shocking white-hot pincer metal things, lethal gadgets like irons for one’s hair, its merest touch against human skin enough to administer third degree burns.  A girl I know, in the process of curling her hair, once scolded her cheek with one of those things. The ensuing scar resembled a Cheesy Wotsit [1] glued to her face and there it stayed for the rest of the month, until her coffee break one bright morning when it peeled off by itself and floated, ever so gently, to the office floor.  Still, I guess it keeps you conglomorates in business.

But you want: Beautifully defined, shiny, bouncy curls?

My answer: Yes please.  My hair is the only part of me which can and does, to a degree, bounce when I use that shampoo, so it’s a welcome bonus to have the ability to do just that.  Another part of me once tried to bounce, but it went horribly wrong.  I won’t go into that here and I’ll leave you to guess which part. No, it’s not that.

On the bottle you next stated “Pantene’s 3 steps for beautifully defined, shiny, bouncy curls”, which were, in truncated form here, to use 1) Perfect Curls Shampoo, 2) Perfect Curls Conditioner, and 3) Pantene Pro-V Style Perfect Curls defining mousse.

Well, I can only assume this stellar advice, implied by the crushing blank spaces on the supermarket shelves where these products once stood, now reads something akin to this: Get lost, corkscrew-bonce![2]

pantene perfect curls

I understand, you are not the first and will by no means be the last conglomerate to discontinue a perennial favourite with a loyal fan base.  I’m still smarting over the disappearance of Lynx Apollo goodness knows how many years ago (that wasn’t you as well, was it?), and the lack of Fuse Bars has only been marginally compensated by the reappearance of Wispas.  No, I’ve never tried to wash my hair with any of those things, but you know what I mean.

But really, nothing was quite like Perfect Curls.  Your worthy competitors never quite reached the same heights.  Sunsilk got the closest, although their bottles were never that big, and Herbal Essences weren’t bad with their wittily-named “It’s a Curl Thing” range (even though I assure everyone I’m every bit a man).  But even those items have gone from the shelves.  The only affordable option now is Naked Bounce, which, valiant effort though it is, just doesn’t cut it for me.

I hear through various online sources that you suggest, for curly people, using a (new?) mousse now available.  I have to raise an exasperated chuckle at this.  Me, mousse? Firstly, I don’t like putting sticky things in my hair.  Sellotape, blu-tack, lollypops; it’s all bad.  That includes mousse for me, I’m afraid.  Besides, first thing in the morning when I am FAR from compos-mentis, fannying about with cloud-like goo is beyond the realms of my capabilities.  I once, by accident, brushed my teeth with Bonjela for crying out loud.  I spent the rest of the day looking like Ken Dodd and sounding like a Gumby.

But all may be not lost, and there is a glimmer of hope on the horizon.  Last week I went to Spain for a relaxing holiday on the Costa Del Sol (I stayed in Coín – it’s where they used to film Eldorado – sorry, I digress again).  The supermarkets there were generously equipped with ‘Rizos Perfectos’, and, since I have the benefit of being a fluent Spanish speaker, as well as having recognised the identical branding, knew the stuff at once.  Such a novelty it was to see it back on the shelves again I almost did one of those clicky-heel things in mid air.

And, back at the apartment and under the shower, my hair, and indeed my nostrils, were treated to the most scintillating indulgence worthy of the highest spa in the land.  It wasn’t only my hair which bounced for the rest of the day.

I came back with eight bottles. It’ll last me, ooh, three months maybe.  Then what? A shampoo pilgrimage to the set of failed soap operas?

So after all the above piffle, I guess I should get to the point, and that is: I am wondering – have you really just stopped making Pro-V Perfect Curls, or is it just that you consider us Brits unworthy?  Is there something about Spain and, potentially, the rest of Europe, which mean they are more deserving?

Did I just luck out on that occasion?

And if you have stopped it, is it really because people stopped buying it?

That could never be. Surely?

Yours in lots of hair,

 

Mike Scott Thomson


[1] For our American readers, a ‘Cheesy Wotsit’ is a strangely popular cheese flavoured snack which looks like a bright orange owl turd.
[2] Again, for our American readers, “bonce” is British slang for the human head.  The original bonce was a large marble that featured in several children’s games of the nineteenth century. The English Dialect Dictionary suggests it’s a version of bounce, since such a marble was also called a bouncer and was “the large earthenware marble used for bouncing or playing with checks or cubes”.

 

 

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13 Comments

  • Reply February 2, 2014

    Melle

    Nothing funny about this (admittedl witty) complaint letter!
    The disappearance of “Perfect Curls” IS a disaster! It was the only product that brought out my natural curls after a long time of severe stress and hardship all but destroyed my once perfect hair.

    I don’t understand – why, WHY would any company discontinue such a terrific product and not replace it, at the very least, with an equally effective new product?

    I doubt anyone responsible for that stupid, STUPID decsion will be reading this, but I’l say it all the same: it has put me off Pantene in general. I am not going to buy any more of your products unless you bring back Perfect Curls. I said so more than two years ago, when I first discovered it has been discotinued, and, true to my word, I have NOT bought a single Pantene product.

  • Reply January 22, 2014

    Brigitte

    Me too! I see it’s still on sale in other countries but not here in the UK!!! It’s a travesty as it’s the only thing (even compared to premium products) that can give my hair a non frizzy appearance. I’ve been able to buy and stock up in Spain and Germany and always hit the shops looking for it whenever I go anywhere! Is it because so many people flat iron their hair here? I just don’t get it!

    • Reply February 2, 2014

      Melle

      It is not on sale in most other Euopean countries. I wish it were! I’ll have a look the next time I visit Germany, but I certainly haven’t seen it in any other European country (and I get around a LOT).

      I say we mount a campaign to bring it back. :-)

  • Reply December 9, 2013

    Allison Evans

    I completely agree!! I found about 8 bottles of Pantene Perfect Curls left in a shop and bought them all – but now I have run out of this wonderful conditioner – I don’t care how bad hairdressers think it is – BRING BACK PANTENE PERFECT CURLS… PLEASE!

  • Reply June 19, 2013

    mike

    i bought some perfect curls on ebay . it was fake my hair went totally dry flat my skin got sores . it destroyed my hair . the seller is still selling this product on ebay .

  • Reply March 13, 2013

    Debbie McDougall

    Me too, on my last 10mls and wish I’d bought out the online store before moving to Singapore. Now I’m back in UK and searching high and low. Who said you can buy anything online these days?!
    Alas, alack, my hair will no longer bounce in the joy of ‘perfect curls’ :(

    It’s always been a mystery to me that my favourite products don’t seem to last more than a year or so. This happened years a go with a good ‘clean & clear’ face cleanser, then Tesco pork and ham sausages and now Pantene’s perfect curls shampoo – why oh why? – because I think its a conspiracy to be rid of all that actually works so that they who make such delights don’t have the monopoly :)

    To all those who have and love their curls – Namaste

  • Reply February 3, 2013

    kate lattimore

    ditto, ditto, all the above, and it’s not just me but my best mate too, we LOVE PERFECT CURLS, i wrote to their customer services on their website about it, but they never replied :0(

    u can still seem to get it on ebay, so there is still some lurking out there, but for how much longer……

  • Reply December 19, 2012

    Permed and Sad

    Oh god, it’s not just me then! I have been scouring 99p and £1 pound shops (for it is they who buy all the old stock) for the last year and have nearly run out of my bulk buys. I have been subjected to many strange looks at checkouts when I have 10 bottles of conditioner in my basket – especially if I go back the next day to clear the shelf and get served by the same cashier. I have 5 cans of mousse left and that’s it – the “new” Pantene mousse for curly hair is totally different and also totally useless. How can Companies like this not realise how popular their products are? Why do they have to change them? Why not just renew the packaging and leave the contents well alone?

  • Reply December 14, 2012

    bazza

    Nice letter. Have you actually sent it to their customer relations team?

    I’m not sure when they stopped selling it, I stopped buying it when it stopped being on special offer for about a quid in Savers. That was my first mistake. A while later I saw it in Superdrug, but decided that four quid for it somehow was too steep, and went for the Tres Seme stuff at about £1.49 for the same quantity. Mistake number two.

    A while later, after trying various similar products from competitors, I remember why I used to buy it. There is a (somewhat tokenistic) bit of good news, though, as what is presumably the remaining stock in the country is still listed on the Poundland website, and is also available to buy in bulk quantities online at not-so-cheap prices. However, it’s quite hard to justify storing a whole case of conditioner in a flat where space is the real premium.

    Fingers crossed someone at Pantene (or whoever makes it) will notice your letter and take the initiative!

  • Reply December 10, 2012

    Tran

    Pantene’s newly launched more expensive shampoo… I forget its name, but it’s for ‘dry hair that tends to damage at the tips’ has almost the same formula of ‘Perfect Curls’ but at more than twice the price. Haven’ tried it but i compared the ingredient list to my perfect curl bottle and it’s almost exactly identical, perhaps even better. SInce they changed the formulation of most of their shampoos to sodium lauryl sulfate, which would definitely make ur hair frizzy, damaged and unruly, they figured they could offer us a solution for that with their expensive version… interesting market strategies.
    hope it helps

  • Reply October 31, 2012

    Hannah

    Me too. My fine curly hair is a flat frizzy mess without perfect curls. Sob sob.

  • Reply September 23, 2012

    Carol

    Can’t tell you how my life has changed for the worse now. I have tried sooooo many different curls shampoos and have all sorts of strange reactions…from allergic ones!!!! to really weird hair.
    Used perfect curls for years, ahead of the boutique shampoos etc. I have found it in Saudi but it is slightly different in a pink bottle and a little less thick.
    Pleeeeeeeaaaaaaase bring back my fave shampoo!!!!
    Back in England this week and would be great to find it again.

  • Reply September 14, 2012

    suemazey

    i used to use perfect curly aswell so why have you stopped selling it its the only shampoo i liked know im stumpted as what to use please bring it back thank you .

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