DCR usually steers well clear of all things political but when we come into possession of a leaked letter from no.10 Downing Street to the new American President Elect, Donald Trump….. well, it would be rude not to share wouldnn’t it?
Dear President Elect Trump,
Thank you for your letter and your very kind invitation to visit you at the White House in the New Year. The UK remains keen to develop the ‘special relationship’ and I have instructed the Prime Minister’s Office to make arrangements at your earliest convenience.
Thanks too for your generous offer of eleven million Mexicans to replace all the East Europeans who pick our vegetables, clean our hotel rooms and drive taxis for Uber. Her Majesty’s government is not entirely convinced that they will be needed however. In truth, the BREXIT negotiations have barely begun and it remains possible that we will have to allow the Poles, Romanians and Latvians to stay in the United Kingdom so we can continue to sell our Jaguar F Types, Glenfiddich and Stilton to our European cousins.
On a not entirely unrelated note, I am also indebted to you for keeping Mr. Farage occupied for a few days again. He can be such a terrible nuisance and your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated. However, suggesting that he is appointed as British Ambassador to the United States of America is a bit like suggesting we make Willy Wonka the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Then again… I did appoint Boris Johnson as Foreign Secretary, didn’t I?
It was most interesting to learn that your idea to construct a wall along the length of the US-Mexican border was inspired by Hadrian’s Wall here in the UK and whilst its original purpose was broadly similar to the one you are proposing, it is no longer indicative of Government policy here. The Scots have been tolerated in England for many centuries now (with the possible exceptions of Nicola Sturgeon and Gordon Brown) and now that they have scratched the independence referendum itch, that is likely to remain the case for some time to come. Nevertheless, we have no plans to dismantle the two thousand year old structure and so I am afraid that we will be unable to ship the stone over to your southern border.
Turning then to the last point in your letter, I can confirm that the photograph doing the rounds on social media of Her Majesty The Queen and James Bond discussing your potential assassination is not genuine. In fact, Mr. Bond doesn’t actually exist (or at least, he isn’t called Bond).
Many congratulations on your election and the hard-fought campaign.
I look forward to seeing you and Mrs Trump in the New Year during what promises to be an absolutely fascinating visit.
Right Honourable Theresa May MP
PS. I prefer Theresa to “Terry” and would venture to suggest that ‘Prime Minister’ might be more appropriate until we get to know one another a little better.
OK, so the letter might not be entirely genuine. Suggestions very welcome for other examples of what might be found in the correspondence between world leaders!
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