Anthony is every service-provider’s nightmare. He complains about almost everything.
When he’s not complaining, he works in the design business – because he couldn’t think of anything else to do. He travels internationally with his work which means lots of aeroplanes and hotels – both of which he hates with a passion but which provide lots of raw material for his letters. His favorite places are the Yorkshire Dales and Africa – with the Dales probably edging it because there you can eat the animals whereas in Africa, you are not allowed to eat the animals, but they are allowed to eat you.
He has been married to the same (remarkably tolerant) woman for a very long time indeed and has two grown up children he refers to as Pugsley and Veruka.
His greatest passion is food so when he’s not at work or writing his letters, he is usally cooking or eating. Consequently, he tends to complain about restaurant food rather a lot and rarely pays the entire bill. He once broke into the kitchen and attacked the chef at a local hotel after an apalling meal that ended with a dessert that contained a pubic hair.
Anthony also loves great coffee and drinks copious amounts of espresso (which may explain why he’s so bad tempered). He regards Starbucks as a scourge on the face of the planet akin to Swine Flu and thinks that serving weak coffee is on a par with mass murder or being an estate agent(1).
His other great love is his mistress – a very old and very fast sports car – which he takes out on sunny weekends to drive at indecent speed through the local countryside whilst terrorising and shouting obscenities at anyone and anything that gets in the way.
One day, Anthony intends to turn all this into a book to provide petrol money during his retirement.