Complaint Letters

europcar satans chariot

Europcar Morocco: Satan’s Chariot

“I shook hands with a berber tribesman who’d been crossing the desert on a camel and sleeping rough for weeks and even HE was taken aback by the smell of my hand. “It’s the steering wheel!” I cried. “It’s not my fault!” An american tourist in Fez thought I was a vet. When I asked why, he said: “Your hand smells so bad I just assumed that it spent a lot of time deep inside pregnant cows.” “

Top Gear situation vacant

Top Gear: Applications are Invited….

When this letter by Laurie Pierce dropped into the DCR inbox, I didn’t immediately see its potential. Then it occurred to me that DCR could send on any applications for the role of Top Gear presenter to the high-ups at the BBC. So, if you think that you, or your sister-in-law could be a worthy replacement for Mr. Clarkson, send in your applications. The most original will be featured here.

highways agency mole

Highways Agency – The Last Ghostly Miner

I have the gross misfortune of commuting along the M62 to Leeds. As if the costs of motoring were not high enough, the Highways Agency’s attitude to routine maintenance leaves much to be desired. So much so that commuters’ cars are being damaged by the appalling condition of the motorway. Well, someone had to tell them….

Claires Accessories

Claire’s: The Thong-Flasher of Pigeon Poo Island

Back in August 2014, Matt Jarvis went shopping with three generations of female members of his family (which is a brave thing to do by any standards). However, when the ladies decided to pay a visit to Claire’s, he wisely decided to stay out of the way…. which ended up being much more interesting!

Dear Santa

Dear Santa…

“And then there’s the Christmas turkey. Why in God’s name do hundreds of millions of people eat this pug-ugly and completely tasteless bird on the same day each year? Why, for instance, don’t we eat penguins? There are millions and millions of them. David Attenborough said so”.

Dear Customer Relations Book Project Cancelled

Sadly, I have to announce that the Dear Customer Relations book project has been cancelled by publishers Unbound.
Unfortunately, the pledges to support the crowdfunding project just didn’t grow quickly enough to justify keeping it on the Unbound website.