“The top secret information held at the corporate offices is of course the GAP copy of the world atlas. After all, there are just over 307 million Americans and only 126 of them have been abroad (mainly to Stratford upon Avon)”.
“This all seemed like an awful lot of trouble to swallow an “easy-to-swallow” capsule. It occurred to me that it may actually be a great deal easier to introduce the capsule into the gastro-intestinal tract from completely the opposite end! A quick dab of Vaseline and hey presto!”
“I’ll never forget queuing very early one morning in a Starbucks near Union Square in San Francisco with all the flakes and hookers – they made the cast of ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’ look like a bunch of Nobel prizewinners – and the barista looked at me like I was the crazy one just because I’d ordered a Quadruple Tall Latte”
“You have a website that doesn’t work with the world’s largest and utterly industry standard computer operating system. The website of the UK’s ninth largest bank goes tits-up on every single new computer sold in the world today. I defy anyone to find a more mind-blowing example of commercial stupidity”.
“Mr. Guttering’s unique installation on the rear elevation is a lesson to us all in how to piss-off a homeowner. Not only has he managed to leave a huge gap through which all the rainwater flows (making the downpipes entirely superfluous) but he has also managed to put it directly over the fibreglass mock-lead roof of the dining room below! Whenever it rains, it sounds like we have the entire Nagasaki Drum Ensemble rehearsing in the Dining Room”.